Wednesday, 12 August 2015

A beautiful night

Sunrise at Borobudur

I spent the evening having dinner with the boys in Gardens. We walked around the place and then decided to have sushi anyway. We went in, and had some Japanese food. Eating with the boys is always good fun. They are so funny and since we got back, we have sort of not really had any time on our own together. It seems so far away Melina Beach and Tioman. When i got back, i felt even more dysfunctional than usual. After conversations with a few friends though, this has been better. I did more reading, more reading about the Norse myths, and made up my mind to do a few things and then i tidied up when i got back. It feels like things have been reset a bit.

And you know what, after agonising so hard about stuff, i have decided to just enjoy it. Why should i not enjoy the fact that i come from one of the most out there places in the world. It is a crazy silly fluke of evolution and sacrifice, really if anyone can teach anybody about sacrifice, it is Singaporeans, and the people who live and work and play here, and why should i not enjoy that i have access to it? And long with it, that i live in another place which has lived with such great suffering as well - Northern Ireland - and all those other places in the world that i have lived and been in and enjoyed. The world is for enjoying, it is for celebrating, it is for looking after, and i will be damned if i feel depressed one more second with anything in this world.

I have wonderful sons, awesome friends, i have a great family, i have a fanstastic network, i am blessed with good health and many gifts - and i would be foolish to spend one more second squandering it by feeling miserable about all the shit that i can feel miserable about. I have never really wanted a home, not really, all i have ever wanted is to live life to the fullest, and i have done this.

YES, i am giving myself a pep talk.

So tomorrow, it is back to running again, back to working again and putting in place everything i have been learning. It has taken me ages to digest all of it. When Steiner talks about sleeping in it, i totally understand this. 

I was reading Ron Jarman's book on maths today. It was so profound you know, this approach to education. It begins reminding us where maths come from in the Western tradition and how we must be able to keep this in mind, the fundamental truth is beauty and beauty is truth nature of maths. I have also gone over sacred geometry in the last few days, really relooking at its meanings and also linking this to geography and zoology. Of course, underlying all of that is language and grammar... and overlying that, the Norse myths. Really synthesising the curriculum is what is important for me and over the summer that is what i tend to do. Read and read and read and live and try to grasp it for myself. If it does not work for me i know it will not work for the children and it needs to work for everyone.

I have also been called to look at the Michael impulse at this time of the year and remind myself about its message, its truth for us here on Earth, at this time. What does it mean to recognise the true nature of iron? Iron, which we have used to conquer the world? To terrify and smother - what is the spiritual magic, the spiritual alchemy which iron brings?

Questions, questions.

So now, i must start looking at putting dates down. Once more, slowly coming back down to Earth and all the manifold challenges it brings. Many of them pleasurable.

Lately i have been thinking about many friends who have passed out of my life for whatever reason and i have felt a deep debt of gratitude to them. I wish i never lost touch with them, and hope that wherever they are that they are happy and well and living their own dreams.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - for letting me be here, letting me be me. 

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