Friday, 21 June 2013

Tonight's the night

When the last tree is cut,
when the last river has been poisoned,
when the last fish has been caught,
then we will find out that
we cannot eat money


Well, i'm finally committing pen to paper tonight - metaphorically of course. i'm starting to write my essay. Today was one of those amazingly good days. Because of this kid.

There is this kid in my craft class who is the cutest and sweetest. OK, they all are, but he is just the bee knees. Last year while i was explaning how to make beeswax decorations on candles he interrupted me and said, Stephanie. Yes? I said. You look really nice. Awwww.... but TODAY he said, i want to sit next to Stephanie, she is kind. Yes! said his friend. Stephanie is kind. Isn't that just the loveliest best thing anyone can say to you? I nearly hugged him, but restrained myself and said, instead, why THANK YOU!

Then today when i came home, Ghin ran down the stairs and said, Mommy mommy mommy!!! Can it be true?? Are you home?! God, i felt better than a rock star.

Anyway, other nice things happened as well today. I was observed - we get observed now and then - and i thought of my last observation...how incredibly nervous i was. Today, i was of course nervous, but it was not the oh my god, i think i'm going to expire nervous, but more like, well, i really don't know what's coming round the corner, but i'm gonna give it my best shot nervous.

I have started drawing in front of the children for my blackboard drawing. This is good for them to watch as they see that you can do it and they see how it is done. Then one day they will be able to do it too. They also see that i do not use outlines in the first instance. I draw, as i ask them to do, using swathes of colour. Then i fill in the details. Using this technique we did the seals on the shores of Belfast Lough. It was very successful. However, i am not that good of an artist so that i am defintely sure the picture is going to turn out ok. And it did.

I love listening to them while i draw. what is that going to be, they ask themselves. They discuss. It was a Lars Gibbon, just so that you know. This is because there was a monkey in my story today. I think it is going to be a gorilla. I think it is a monkey. No, it is an old man. No it is an orang utan...and so on and so forth. Then they see the picture take shape under your fingers, and you see it too. It is really like magic.Of course you aren't drawing as such - it is the work of my astral and ego and then the angels working with me. When i get into a state like that, it is as if you stand aside and something else inhabits your body.

Feeling nourished is wonderful. Last night i looked back at my blog over the last year and could not believe how broken i was. How could i have been so desperately empty and miserable. So bereft? And now, it is the summer, and now... new things succeed. It has all been learning. There are many things i still do not understand and many things have grown over the pain of the past pain - not just of this year, but the years previous. But for now, i am back in the happy place. For now i have been forced into another phase of my development, my evolution. My universe has changed, once again.

I am utterly heartbroken about the haze in Singapore. Having been in Sumatra and watched first hand the destruction of the rainforest, the avarice and corruption of the Indonesian government, fuelled by oil palm, mining, paper and oil interests, i must utterly and totally condemn the ASEAN nations at being COMPLETELY USELESS. Surely the most PRESSING issues in ASEAN has been the poverty of its peoples and the destruction of its environment for the last fifty years. We have the richest rainforests, the richest marine life, the richest cultural heritage in the world probably and what have we done? fucked it over. Well done.

Twenty years ago i sat in airconditions offices watching these stupid ASEAN meetings talk about nonsensical shite. As we arranged for daft things like batik shirts to be stuffed into goody bags and have headed note paper probably made by Asia pulp and paper, worried about iced water and the room temperature and protocol for ministers. It was honestly the most ridiculous bullshit. And for what??!!

Why have we not woken up to the important things?? It is so depressing.

I have an overwhelming urge to picket Singaporean palm oil companies...

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