Yesterday, just before going to sleep i thought how lucky i was to have my mother here with me. That mothers do not have to say anything, their being there is simply medicine enough. I was amazed at how fragile and vulnerable i was a month ago and now, i feet so much stronger, so much better. The return of the light, my parents, everything....i felt so much recovered, and much had to do with the unconditional love that was given.
This morning i had a very odd dream. It has been ages since i dreamt like that. I dreamt someone i knew met me at an airport, unexpectedly and he was covered in lacerations and bruises. He looked as if he had been beaten up, dragged backwards through the bushes. He was trying to tell me he was sorry for everything that had happened, but his injuries were so bad that i felt so sorry for him. I woke up concerned. Where was he now?
My mom and i watched GoodVibrations last night. I was worried that it would not live up to the hype, but it did. The production values, the music, the script, the acting, it was all excellent. It was easily one of the best films i had seen in ages. I thought, this is why i live here, in Belfast. This is why i live here in Ireland. Despite the shite weather, the landscape, the people, the talent, the indomitable Irish spirit. There is something which goes fuck you to everyone, including each other, we will do this. That scene when Rudi went, we hate the cops, we hate the cops, then SS RUC, SS RUC, that was priceless. We will not be beaten or bowed.
It made me proud to be in Belfast. I told my mom that when i returned from maternity leave, the Big Garden Birdwatch was celebrating its 30th anniversary and i had this idea that we should phone up Terry Hooley who would say he thought feeding birds was a great idea and we dressed as punks feeding the birds. My colleague Cara thought this was an excellent idea and asked other people if they would dress up as punks. Most said yes. Then when it went to management, i was told, no one knew who Terry Hooley was and this was a bad idea, staff dressing up as punks and anarchists. What an idea. So that was the end of that.
Anyway, again we did great things at the teacher training course. We made platonic solids, contemplated the suffering teenagers go through and what we as teachers need to do in order to give young people inspiration, not apathy. What happens when someone suffers, as a teenager does has s/he is becoming a teenager? Two things can happen: they survive through inspiration as they look to positive role models, or they give up, get lost in apathy, sexuality, nihilism. Teachers must never be pedants, Steiner says, being embittered and pedantic is a great evil inflicted on the child.
Pretty strong words. We are trained to use gesture and voice, to create boundaries, enliven, to convey warmth, use humour... It is a pretty through and rigorous two days per month i can tell you.
Well, i'm about to head off for the second day. Glad we have tomorrow off.