Friday, 15 February 2013

You do the maths...

Is what i'll be telling the kids this semester. After the total wipeout of the last semester, this half term will be all about the maths. It's very interesting prepping for the ML.I'm rereading bits and piece. Study of Man - the Will nature that lies in our limbs, the most spiitual part of us, Active Maths, Practical Advice to Teachers... and the list goes on. Having done a couple of terms i'm thinking, i wish i was more patient. Some children would deeply benefit from learning patience. Strengthening their will nature would be an excellent thing for them. Something which is deeply undermined by the instant gratification of computer games and TV.

As you know i had an awful month. It began after the last teacher training course ended. A series of slightly self inflicted and then mostly universe visited pain. Of course life is about pain, but my response to it was to hiberante and cry a lot. However, after the last blow, i could not put up with it any longer and so ended up in the Four Seasons Hotel. Of course i was lucky, i could take refuge in the Four Seasons. I'm sure a weekend in a hostel in Donegal would have been just as good, however the kids really enjoyed the luxuries and they also enjoyed the zoo.

Ah the zoo. I went to the zoo cos my friend said it was better than the Belfast Zoo. However i have to say that no zoo in the world can be made which would do apes any good. Most monkeys and apes come from warm parts of the world. I do not think you could ever describe Dublin as warm. The poor orang utans were completely off their heads. One was sitting with its arms wrapped around itself like an orang malu, another one was going nuts swinging from one branch and another was gnawing at the seats at the window ledge. Behind them were treetrunks which had been put up so they could swing on them, but there was no foliage - it looked like a devastate rainforest. It was really quite horrible. I felt so much for them. They were indoors because it was probably too cold for them.

This is why i never go to zoos. Because the animals are so sad. Especially the apes.

So... i have a choice now - and it will involve doing painful things, but i think that i have avoided this choice for a long time because i hate doing painful things. I mean who does right? However life is life and now...this year. with last year being all about the LOVE and being happy and being in a big pink bubble, i need to take all that wonderful happiness and use it to get over this year which will be about doing painful things. It's weird, they talk about the seven year cycle, here i am now starting all over again. Of course i SHOULD have done this sooner, but this is what i get for delaying and you know what now i have the proof, the incontrovertible reasons staring at me in the face. And so, here we go.

I am frightened, of course i am. When i search my feelings, its fear. I have never really looked at fear, except from the point of view of anger. We become angry to protect ourselves. To defend ourselve under attack. But perhaps if i just let it stay at fear and then go, i must be brave. Being brave is not something i am really. When i appear brave, i am usually being logical. Being brave is going this is really really scary and i'm going to have to do this - i do not know what lies beyond the abyss, but i trust the universe to ensure that it will all turn out well in the end.

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