Thursday, 21 February 2013

The day got better and better

...However there is the small worry about the bump on the head. I spent most of the day recovering by getting lots of Admin done. The course, personal stuff, etc. We even went to get passports sorted and ate at Wagamama for a wee treat. Came home, did budgets, etc and THEN i went to get Ghin where he was looking at old diaries. I looked at some entries from the Golden Bhudda Island resort - it was amazing. Really it was. I saw that i had documented the time before the tsunami struck and after. To think we had missed it by four days! It was a truly sobering thought. That people we knew had died - engulfed by paradise.

Oisin was so young then - 2004 i think it was. He was only 3 and a half and already he seemed to be such a big boy to me. I still have photos of him from then looking up and smiling at me. He is truly a remarkable boy.

Last night i began to DWELL again, but then i stopped myself. I tried to feel happy and then i stopped myself. What i then did was to centre myself and connect to love. That really worked. To know i was held and loved by the cosmos. To know i was a dynamo of love. At school i said, i would pick up every piece of litter i saw as i walked in. It was very therapeutic. Developing the will. I really need to do this my will is pretty crap. As is my thinking and come to think of it my feeling as well. I have gotten lazy over the last year practising this.

I put in a diary entry from way back that it was Ma and Pa's anniversary. I put in - some days are harder than others. I record how i have been at the receiving end of such lovelessness. I then recall how much my family have only ever experienced a deep wonderful warm love. How my childhood is so so blessed. How i try my best to give the boys that. It is all i can do.

To life, thank you for all your blessings. Thank you for enabling me to do this - to grow, and to be. I offer gratitude and humility.

PS: Just read a piece by Ammu's Prema's daughter about coal mining in India and i feel so stupid and self indulgent in my wallowing. Honestly. I could not ask for a better life.

No comments: