|Wakey wakey rise and shine|
Was awake at 4.30 today. To be honest i didn't really sleep. The boys were in my bed...Oisin was still unwell and i was keeping an eye on him and Ghin was just messing about in my bed. I have to admit i know these years of bed sharing are running out and so i enjoy it when they want to share the bed. However it does mean i don't get very much sleep. I try to remedy this by reading the Foundations of Human Experience - this time round it did not work however. It made me start thinking about how best to engage some children in the class and if i was doing it the right way. Working on the will is of course critical - i balance this by reading Theosophy, which is a great book on how to live. It reminds us that we need to be healthy and need to take responsibility for our own health. If we are ill we are of no use to man nor animal. This is important vis-a-vis sleep.
I had to get back early yesterday as Oisin was sick and Peter needed to go to work in the university. It was a quiet day at home. I made spanish omelette and cleaned up the place. Then when i sent Ghin to circus school, Oisin and i drove around the docks in Belfast. I was trying to find the Dargan lanfill site - because of the birds, but we ended up just being fascinated by the entire dockland area.
It's a strange place in the evening. So empty and so devoid of life. Low damp buildings hunkering like beasts in the twilight. A few lorries were shifting the salt mountains that glowed in the pale blue sunset. Across the lough mountains of bitumen. Crates and crates of this and that. Animal feed. Containers. Compared to Singapore's port it seemed like some post apocalyptic landscape where everything was meagre and abandoned, unlike the docks and ports which i'm used to seeing constantly lit, busy, full of life - especially low life. The kind i like best.
We then came out at the Shore Road at Tiger's Bay. I said this place was ablaze during the fleg protests. After awhile, driving through the area, Oisin then said, you can tell people from Belfast. Their faces are expressionless and sad. Why are they like that? Sometimes you cannot argue with the observation of a 12 year old. Later on i said that i was feeling sad myself and Oisin asked me why. I said, well, you know it hasn't been easy lately. I said, it is difficult for me to be sad, because i don't like being sad. It's just not me you know. But whenever i try and be happy i think, why should i be happy, it's not a happy situation currently. Then he said, you should just forget about it. Stop thinking about it and it will go away.
Such wisdom. The problem of course won't go away, but i need not be trapped in my sadness over the problem. I just need to resolve it but there is no need to be walking around with this psychic gangrene. And there and then, i thought, my son is right. He is completely and utterly right. I am going to be happy again. Happiness and positivity are choices. We choose this. And i will be bouyed up by this.
My son, my teacher. How lucky am i?