|Ghin, five years ago....|
Yesterday my heart broke in two when i was telling Ghin off. If no one knows Ghin, despite him being very exceedinly cute, he is also very exceedingly indepepdent minded. And stubborn. Not like me at all, no. Anyway, he is nothing like Oisin who is very first child - obedient and rule following - to a point, of course. But Ghin will holler till the entire house comes down till he gets his way and much of disciplining Ghin is either having to stand up to him or to ignore him when these spells of holleration strike, which can be not infrequent.
Yesterday though, after i was trying to get him into bed and change, which he refused to do, he started to cry and say, I feel so sorry for you mummy - i don't think he meant to put the for in there. But then he went on to say, i don't know what to do to make it better... i always try my best but i don't know how to make it better when you are angry.
And then my heart broke. I realised that my baby is growing up. About the same age, Oisin told me the same thing - i try my best. A threshold had been crossed somehow. That infant i brought into this world had taken another step away from me, and i thought - i am not missing another moment of this. So i hugged him and said, I love you so much my Ghin. I try my best mummy, he repeated. I know you do Ghin. I will be good mummy, he said. I will be good.
That was almost certainly WORSE than him being bad. I felt sooo sooo sorry.