Monday, 16 July 2012
This morning the thought struck me that i really do want, from here on in, to lead a completely ordinary life. One free from all kinds of complications and dramas. I don't know if i have that option - i guess it will always be something which will be bubbling away in the background. But i do think that this is the most acute sign that i have GROWN UP.
It is my last week at work here with the bird people after that i become a Steiner teacher. I simply cannot wait to immerse myself wholly and fully into a role which will demand everything it can from me. You know how you are as a person, how much you can give, how you can stretch and be utterly open and generous without being afraid. It is both so very exciting and so very terrifying. And i cannot wait.
I have been doing lots of reading and drawing, and lots of organising. My desk now has six or seven boxfiles with subject areas in them. Fairytales and literacy. Maths. Pedagogy and curriculum. Seasons and activities. Admin. Children. Craft. Movement and Music. Having organised my timetable and spoken to Gabriel i feel a lot more as if i have a grasp of the areas i need to focus on, which although is vast, is at least now defined. I'm also finally getting to grips with finishing the assignments. So all that is in the works now.
I cleaned the classroom up, and more of that next week now. However there is a LOT to be done between now and September and i know there is time, but it does mean working flat out completely.
So the last week comes round. It will be strange not to wake up in the morning and now try and head for Belvoir Park Forest. To not see many people whom i have seen for years and years now on a regular basis. To now focus myself completely towards something completely different.
What have i taken from my ten years. Well the most surprising thing has been the drawing. I can draw birds! If i never worked in here i would have almost never attempted this, let alone discovered the aptitude. It is a bit weird i have to say. Then there is the knowledge of birds. Of course being in some totally amazing places and meeting amazing people whom i never would have known if i never worked here. Deep and meaningful friendships. Being tested in the fires. I said to a friend, i have taken what i need from this place - it was time to move on.
When i first joined this place it was very different. Then a whole lot of people left as well and one of the things which one of them said was, this place is changing and it is about time i left, having been here for fifteen years. The choice is either i change or i leave. I feel a bit like that. It's not like i'm resistant to change, i know that change always happens, but we always have a choice about HOW and WHAT we change - most of the time - and i suppose i am now going to change in a different direction in which the organisation is changing.
Well, here is to a life ordinary which is extraordinary. Here is to the next eight years.
Posted by Stephanie Sim at 12:22